The Dissonance of Life
by alee-chan
Summary: Kaoru, Megumi, Misao and Tomoe once were close, they gather together in an attempt to find out why they went their separate paths. Contemporary setting with contemporary issues. Please R&R!
1. Prologue

**Disclaimers: **I do not own the works of Rurouni Kenshin or Samuel T. Coleridge (although I wish I did) and applies to every chapter of my work.

**Author's notes:** This is my first Fanfiction and I hope that those who read it will review so I know whether or not I'm going in the right direction. Thanks and enjoy!

* * *

**The Dissonance of Life**

**

* * *

**  
_Nature ne'er deserts the wise and pure;_

_No plot so narrow, be but nature there;_

_No vast so vacant, but may well employ_

_Each faculty of sense, and keep the heart_

_Awake to Love and Beauty!_

_-S.T. Coleridge_

_

* * *

_

**The Dock**

The four girls sat on the dock, sitting together yet separately. Kaoru facing the lake, Misao to her left, Meguimi to her right and Tomoe sat against a post near the end of the dock across from Kaoru.

Kaoru started fiddling with her zipper jacket, her face an unemotional mask. Meguimi sat patting her perfectly manicured hair staring at nothing in particular. Tomoe stared at the water with a small frown marring her otherwise flawlessly made-up face whilst tapping a nail against the wood, waiting for something to spark her amusement. Misao sat staring at the clouds above, her eyes glazed and her arms wrapped around her waist, fingers white from the cold.

The four girls sat in silence, the remaining three looking at anything but the other. The cold breeze of autumn making itself known as it swept past them drawing their concentration, not on the people that happened to be sitting on the dock, but to the wide expanse of nature.

"It's pretty cold." The remaining three looked up at Misao, startled at the noise of someone speaking.

Silence echoed over the lake and continued towards the mountains.

"For autumn… It's colder than last year." Kaoru focused on the clouds above, breaking the uneasy stillness of the lake.

The lake went quiet, once more sending waves of awkwardness over the girls.

"Yeah…" Meguimi had valiantly tried to keep up the conversation and failed. Tomoe cleared her throat in response. Once more silence descended upon the girls, each wondering how they could break it.

* * *


	2. Chapter 1

_

* * *

Well, they are gone, and here must I remain_

_-S.T. Coleridge_

* * *

**Kaoru**

She sat on the dock and watched as the darkness surrounded her. It was not yet twilight, but the storm clouds that had been hovering over the horizon had now reached where she sat. The light was now engulfed by the grey clouds that were looming above her.

The dock, a wooden structure made a path onto the water, a passage to the unknown. The surrounding water seemed to encompass her and reflect her mood. The grey matter hugged the dock and licked the shoreline giving a sense of comfort, yet the depth of the water and its power to destroy belied its caring nature.

Her long dark hair flowed over her shoulders and fell like a curtain upon her arms and back. The young restless face rested upon her hands supported by her knees, which were bent and drawn up against her chest. Storm grey eyes peered into the surrounding mass of water which reached out and embraced the other side of the lake. With her head in her hands she stared out into the open space that was her life. Empty and restless.

A breeze trickled past the girl as she pondered about the present situation.

_Whatwas it that made people become cruel and change their character? _The water before her seemed to stretch and engulf the dull coloured sky making everything seem lifeless and distant.

_Why am I here? It's not as if I had done anything wrong. _Kaoru glared in Tomoe's direction. The lake rippled in the girls' anger, the tiny waves lapping the shoreline, showing the emotion that the girl could not. She looked away from her anger and forced her head to a direction just over her shoulder and as she did she saw a younger version of herself dancing around in the dimly glowing sunlight…

"Last one in is a rotten egg!" A girl in a bright yellow swimsuit appears and runs towards the end of the dock. She turns and beckons to those behind her.

"Come on! I can't wait forever, you know!"

Two other girls appear and run towards Meguimi, their faces reflecting the brightness of her swimwear. Laughter washes over the girl as she watches the scene pan out before her.

"Kaoru! Come on…" A bossy voice calls out. All three girls now at the end of the dock; waiting for the younger girl in her pink swimwear. She smiles a hesitant smile as she makes her way forward, slowly at first but then breaks into a skip as she rushes toward them as laughter echoes over the water, a blue of summer. When she reaches them they all link hands and jump into the water together.

"See, now no one can be the rotten egg," Meguimi states in a matter-of-fact tone. Tomoe beside her grins and laughter washes over the girls.

"It's always going to be like this, no one first, no one last. Friends forever."

All four girls link hands and smile, their young faces open and trusting.

The image disappears as the girl silently stares into the space the four girls had occupied.

_We were so young. How could we have known what life could bring?_

The girl went back to her contemplations as she moved to a more comfortable position, her back against a post and her legs softly swinging over the edge of the dock, moving in sync with the lazy movement of the tide. Youth was such a funny thing. You couldn't waste it, otherwise you would have to spend time going backwards trying to find out who you are and what you wanted to become. Time was one of those circumstances that you have no control over. Through pain and sorrow, their friendships had shown their true form, just like the storm shows the lake's true form; a beautiful image if left undisturbed, but if moved can become a destructive force that can pull and break things apart

The lake seemed to widen as the girl looked out upon its watery surface. With each drop of water, with each wave that lapped upon the shore, someone, somewhere, felt the relaxed pull of calm.

Kaoru looked over at the others. _How I wish I could hate them._ Tomoe was frowning to herself whilst tapping softly on the wooden plank beneath her, Misao had her head in her hands as she stared at the mountains and Meguimi was sitting on the steps that led down to the water, watching it, entranced. Kaoru brought her legs up to her chest and as she pulled her hands inside her jacket she fiddled with the sleeves. She couldn't understand why Misao had abandoned her or why Meguimi had become so uncaring. She looked upon the shoreline where grey met yellow…

O_r was it the other way around?_

The meeting of the two different entities brought a memory to her mind. The different characteristics of her friends bore a comparison to the meeting of two ultimately different beings.

* * *


	3. Chapter 2

**A/N:** I've decided to split the chapters into each character's point of view but still have the plot moving forward. I just thought I'd mention that in case I've confused anyone.

Also, thanks so much for the review **sakurai9826** (my first review!). I'll keep in mind what you said about the repeating phrases, I tend to do it alot, but I'm working on it. It was also really nice to get your encouragement. Thanks again!

_

* * *

_

_Silent with swimming sense; yea, gazing round_

_On the wide landscape_

_-S.T. Coleridge_

**Meguimi**

Meguimi sat watching the surface of the water, mesmerised. "No one first, no one last. Friends forever…" As her thoughts echoed in her head, she moved into a position with her face turning up into the wind that brushed it lightly in its quest to go outwards and onto the lake. The wind, caringly brushing past, took away the painful memories. She scoffed. Nothing lasted forever anymore. All there was were people pretending to be happy, not like before, when everything was _real_.

Laughter echoed across the water as four girls sat on the dock, jumpers pulled up to their chins and their cheeks a rosy pink. The water was a cold grey that reflected the season that was upon them. The fresh cold wind blew past them and made the girls shiver.

"You actually said that? I don't believe you!" She had announced in disbelief. Kaoru blushed shyly making the rosy pink deepen. The other girls giggled while Meguimi looked over at Tomoe, seeking approval for her work.

"Well?" said Tomoe, clearly pressing Kaoru for more detail.

"Anything happen? Come on, we would tell you…" She further coaxed.

"Well… we skated around for a bit… we held hands… he asked to see me again… I don't know…" Kaoru had said haltingly, giggles following what she had said. Misao turned toward Kaoru and gave her a hug and a mysterious wink.

Feeling slightly left out, Meguimi turned to Tomoe who had moved on and had started ranting about 'the time when...' stories pulling the attention, as always, back to herself.

Her thoughts echoed emptily over the water, disappearing to the other side. Meguimi shook her head as the wind wavered across the open water leaving ripples in its wake.

People grow up and are influenced by time and yet they are also influenced by everything else at the same time

_Different morals, different attitudes, but there will always be differences. _

Meguimi got up and moved towards the steps of the dock. She could have done something to make Tomoe stop. The water below her moved in a lazy pattern, backwards and forwards.

_I could've. But I didn't._

Was it because she didn't care enough to help Kaoru, or was it that she was too afraid that it could be her next? Confused eyes lifted from their gaze and focused on the small upturned boat to her left.

Empty. Like her life.

An empty shell. Outside, a perfect image, but underneath emotions welled, unable to surface. The autumn wind presented itself once again, the coloured leaves sailing on the breeze that pushed past the girl, the golden leaves settled on the surface before being engulfed by the lake. The hair that had previously settled so neatly on her shoulders tickled her face before she brought her hands up and brushed it away, petting her hair back to its usual flawless appearance.

The four girls started walking through the arcade; the music behind them was blaring Christmas tunes.

It was the beginning of December.

"We're going skiing in Switzerland for Christmas… Daddy's flying us over."

"You're so lucky Tomoe. I wish I could go to Switzerland…" She had looked over to Tomoe to watch her response, a smug face turned towards her as she walked.

"I know…"

Meguimi turned to look at a passing reflection in the window. Both she and Tomoe were wearing the latest fashion, their hoods with faux fur and their boots a pale tan, their cheeks an artificial stain. She looked behind her to smile at Kaoru and Misao for some reassurance but found herself to be smiling at thin air. _Where had they gone?_ She spotted them several shops down, stopped at a window in the arcade. They were wearing the no-fuss, keep warm look that was common amongst their fellow shoppers, parkas pulled up tight and black boots to stop the onslaught of snow, their cheeks a natural pink of winter.

"Wait." Meguimi put a hand on Tomoe's shoulder, the raven haired girl sighed in response.

In her line of vision she saw Misao pull on Kaoru's parka to follow her through the milling crowd towards where Tomoe and Meguimi stood.

"Sorry." The apology was met with the cold stare of Tomoe and a warm smile from Meguimi. She noticed the distance between them subtly changing, the youthful ease somehow tainted.

Meguimi was drawn back to the present as her foot slipped into the water as she stretched her legs. The temperature was not freezing but it was cold enough the shock her back from her memories. She looked over to where Kaoru sat. In her place sat a stranger, someone who she once knew. They had never been that close, so why was she so worried? Meguimi gazed into the distance while her foot made circles in the water.

_Just because it isn't the same, doesn't mean that you should hate them for it._

The water made ringlets as the girl withdrew her foot from the water, the circles growing outwards from the centre.

* * *


	4. Chapter 3

**A/N: **I think I'm getting the hang of this story, this chapter was harder to write than I had originally anticipated. Enjoy! (disclaimers still apply)

Ithilium, thanks for the review!(YAY! It's my second!) I'll try and update more frequently.**

* * *

**

**Tomoe**

As she sat on the dock the water lapped against the shore making her wince. Nature was so noisy. It should just be quiet and let the more important things take precedence. The dock seemed dilapidated from over use and Tomoe was contemplating the destruction of the wooden structure.

"You're so lucky Tomoe. I wish…" Yes, she was exactly who she wanted to be. A smile turned the corners of her mouth as she looked over to the distant mountains, their colour a stark contrast to the clouds that were above her.

"So I was like, no…" She was saying to Meguimi, her hand movements sweeping and, she hoped, slightly theatrical.

"You _so_ did not." Meguimi gasped drawn in by the theatrics.

"I did, anyway, he was completely taken back…" She faded off her current sentence, flipping her raven coloured hair over her shoulder as Kaoru approached the two.

"I'll tell you later…" she said in an undertone to Meguimi and turned her eyes to follow the approach of Kaoru with disdain. That girl had always managed to come at the most inconvenient times.

"Hey! Long time no see!" Meguimi announced, placing a huge grin on her face and turning towards the approaching girl.

"So, how was your winter break…?" Tomoe frowned at Meguimi, she should have been focusing on what she was saying rather than thinking about Kaoru's winter break.

Tomoe got up as she noticed the water was lapping underneath her, slowly making its way up as the tide rose. The continuous adding of depth made the water below the dock gain shades of darker hues. She hated that. The water should just stay one colour. At least the surface was the same, mirroring the reflection in the sky. Shaking her head she began pacing the width of the dock. She couldn't see why, or how for that matter, Kaoru liked it here so much. It was just a whole load of wood combined to suggest an appearance of a dock. Tomoe let her eyes stray from the water and onto those around her. _Who would have thought that they would be together like this again?_

Tomoe leant against one of the posts on the dock as her past once again consumed her.

"It's not like she does anything anyway…" Tomoe muttered. Misao had cornered her into this small alcove where they were currently standing and had broached the subject of Kaoru. Tomoe sighed in annoyance. What was the point of this anyway? It's not like Misao was Kaoru's mother.

"That's even more reason to not get on her back about the small stuff." Misao frowned in disapproval.

"It's like she doesn't have anyone else to talk to." It was common knowledge that Kaoru did talk to _those_ kinds of people.

"She has us, but you won't talk to her. What's your problem?"

"She just doesn't fit. Ok." There. Tomoe had said it; it was almost like a huge ton had been lifted from her shoulders.

"That's not even a reason and you know it, Tomoe." There was a trace of anger hidden in Misao's voice.

"It's enough of one for me, Misao. Don't think I won't say anything…"

"She's a good person. I don't understand why you're doing this…"

"Haven't you heard, Misao? Nice people _always_ finish last."

The light of the memory faded into the greyness of the present. _Why had Misao stuck her nose into something that was none of her business?_ She was always trying to involve herself in something that didn't concern her. It wasn't like Kaoru cared one way or another. The water swirled underneath her as she looked down towards the bottom step; it had disappeared as the tide rose. Water washed everything away so that nothing was left. At least it was good for something. Tomoe focused on the water underneath her and stared at her reflection.

* * *

**A/N**: It's not that I'm against Tomoe or anything, it's just that I had to make a character who wasn't so nice in order for this story to work. Sorry to all Tomoe supporters!


	5. Chapter 4

**A/N: **Thanks for reading my fic, could you please leave a review so I know whether or not I should continue it.

Thanks to **gabyhyatt** for the review!

_

* * *

_

_With sad yet patient soul, through evil and pain_

_-S.T. Coleridge _

_

* * *

_

**Misao**

As she looked down at the wooden planks beneath her the world around her seemed to shift and sigh with her current predicament. All her problems seemed to be centralized around four distinct people, including herself. Kaoru had led her to this spot, had savoured its closeness to nature but had slowly been withdrawing herself from it. "Nice people _always_ finish last."

_Why is it that everything, no matter how good, always goes wrong in the end?_

The pain in her eyes was echoed in the tiny waves crashing upon the shore. She leant back against a post and watched as the tide came in. It was the symbolic cycle, the continuous pattern of pushing and pulling, of giving and taking. Friendship was like the tide, if you didn't get an equal amount of give and take, it becomes unable to function.

_I could have tried harder. _

Sea green eyes roamed the far distance, the unfocused gaze not glancing at the other three girls.

_If I had, it would have been too much._

The girl sighed and stretched out her legs before pulling her knees up to her chest

_I did try though. I tried to understand and I failed._

The waves of the lake seemed to gain depth as the anger the girl was feeling was forced out.

_Why can't I figure this out? Is it because I'm looking for something that isn't there?_

"Hey! Where did you go? You missed last period…" Misao was calling out to Kaoru as she walked up the dock. Her friend sat by herself in the golden sunlight, shoes off and the neck of a guitar poking out to her left.

"What are you doing? You know we have exams next week…" Misao kept talking as she walked across to Kaoru. She knew that her friend would be there, drawn to the lake like a moth to a flame. It was her escape from the reality of the world, her own sanctuary where she could be at peace. Notes of music strummed across the lake, Kaoru was humming slightly and with her back to Misao, she did not notice her visitor until she had spoken. The Kaoru turned and looked directly up into Misao's eyes.

"Why should you care? Why should anyone care?" Misao frowned at this response.

"What do you mean? Of course I care." Her brow creased further as she noticed the red rimmed eyes and the slightly blotched face. Kaoru turned away and begun strumming on her guitar once more, the music drifting over the lake lazily as a tune began to form.

"Music is so beautiful; you can become someone else entirely when you play it. The music takes you away so that you don't have to face anything that even resembles reality." Kaoru sighed as her hand left the strings and a chord was left floating on the waves of the lake.

"Do you want to become some one else?" Misao asked quietly, not knowing if she wanted to know the answer.

"Yes… I do." Kaoru whispered as a small tear ran down her cheek.

A warm wind on the lake whispered as it went past the two still girls. The water formed ripples as water seemed to reach out to become the wind with its easy movement across and towards the mountains and into the distance.

"You can't say that. Would you really say that if you didn't feel so bad?" Misao asked the question slowly and softly. She sat on the dock behind Kaoru, the boards smooth beneath her. The water looked clear and blue, the reflection of the mountains in the distance cutting a pattern across the far side of the lake.

"I can say that Misao." Kaoru responded whilst looking at Misao over her shoulder.

"What if everyone said that they wanted to be someone else? Do you really think that you can escape whatever you're trying to run from by being someone else?" She could feel a frown etched upon her face but her words were laced with care. As Kaoru looked back over the water, Misao felt a change in her friend's demeanour.

"What is it about me that the others don't like Misao? Have I done something wrong?" Kaoru stood up and held the guitar tightly around its neck with her left hand, shoes in her right and a strained look upon her face.

"I'm just not good enough, am I?" The words were quietly spoken as she walked past Misao, each step that she took, each seemed heavier than the last. Behind Kaoru, the girl bowed her head and slowly evaporated along with the memory.

Kaoru had never let her emotions be shown but it was then that Misao could see. Kaoru's eyes were the windows to her soul, expressing what her face did not.

_I couldn't look her in the eyes anymore; I could look into her eyes and see her pain. _

Misao turned her head and gazed out upon the lake, the autumn wind picking its way across the lake with little resistance. Misao looked down at the disappearing steps, the water slowly making its way upwards, Meguimi had moved, ever practically, to remain dry. The tide, it was the natural balance of life, giving and taking away with complete disregard for time. Instead of letting her emotions act like the tide, she had bottled them up. She had hidden behind a façade, like the upturned boat. She had created an outer shell for herself, not showing what she really felt, and protecting her at the same time.

Kaoru was sitting on the edge of the dock, her legs swinging in a pattern, her face lost in memory. She looked so young, so innocent. The events that had fallen upon her she had not deserved. Misao had thought the only way to protect her was to move away, hoping that the others could see the ramifications of what they were doing.

She was wrong.

* * *


	6. Chapter 5

**A/N:** Okay, I realise that I haven't updated as frequently, but I'm hoping that I can update at least once a week. I'm not sure how many chapters I'm going to write, but hopefully not more than, say 10. I don't really want to draw it out extensively.

Thank you notes are at the bottom of the page.

_

* * *

_

_I have lost_

_Beauties and feelings, such as would have been_

_Most sweet_

_-S.T. Coleridge_

* * *

**Kaoru**

The grey light of the overcast sky played over the water as the reflection changed with each heaving movement. The tide bringing in the soft lapping of the water closer to her, its constant movement echoed in the overlapping time of reality. "I'm just not good enough, am I?" She had left the question, and Misao, behind her as she had slowly walked away. She had thought that the lake could no longer give her comfort; all there was in the world was anger and pain. The peace and tranquillity that the girl and the lake once shared was gone, shattered by the shallowness of life. She had given up her emotions; they had only betrayed her in the past. So she had shut them away and closed her heart to feeling. The quietness of the dock emphasised the sound of the water lapping against the posts beneath her.

Kaoru walked up to where Meguimi, Tomoe and Misao sat at their usual table surrounded by their other friends. As she got closer she saw Tomoe whisper into Meguimi's ear and Misao looked away. The two remaining pairs of eyes were looking at her with two very different glares as she approached the table. As Kaoru sat down she suddenly felt very cold.

"Hi guys, what's up?" She asked brightly trying to cover up her uneasiness.

"Did you see that old beat up car out the front today? _So rustic_." She tried to fill in the awkward silence with a comment that left an acidic bitterness in her mouth.

"We don't joke about things like that, maybe that was all that they could afford. How could you be so _uncaring_?" Tomoe announced in a cool voice.

"_Love_ the sweater though." Tomoe then said flippantly, motioning towards the attire the girl was wearing. Her face fell ashen at what Tomoe had said and she turned to look pleadingly at the stone faced Misao. Meguimi was sitting next to Tomoe and had stared at her hands during the entire exchange.

"That's enough Tomoe." Meguimi had said quietly while looking up into Kaoru's eyes, pleading for forgiveness.

"What's it to _you_?" Tomoe responded, glaring at Meguimi. The sleeves of Kaoru's jacket disappeared as she clenched her fists.

"I'm going to the library." Misao said quietly as she removed her gear from the table and stood up. Meguimi frowned at the retreating figure's back but suddenly blushed as the two most popular guys walked up towards them.

"Akira! Sano! Sit here..." Tomoe coyly said to them, then looked at Kaoru shooting daggers at her through her eyes.

"_She's_ just leaving."

The summer holidays could not have come soon enough. Tomoe treated her with cold contempt, eyes turning venomous whenever Kaoru was around. _What had changed_? Was she not good enough to be their friend anymore? What about Misao? She had suddenly become a library recluse. Any time a confrontation appeared she would pack up her bag quietly and disappear.

A cold wind rushed past as she sat on the dock, jolting her from her reverie. The girl pulled her jacket closer around herself as if to give comfort only realising that the wind was attempting to do the same. Her hands had scrunched into fists at the passing memory, but anger, she had learnt, solved nothing. She moved across the creaky boards of the dock towards the mountains on the opposite side of the lake. Misao, Tomoe and Meguimi were positioned in different places on the dock, each lost deep in thought.

She looked past Tomoe to find a small boat. Upturned and left until it was used again sometime in the future yet chained to the present. Like her current situation, although, it seemed, that she was chained to her past, not her present.

The mountains in the distance formed dark peaks and grey behind them intensified their darkness. It was only the absence of the dock that held her back. The dock had been through so much but had stood against time to be as it was today. Although not without consequences, the comfort she sought from it was slowing waning. The lake echoed the girl's sigh as she leant against one of the posts and slowly slid down the length of it to land softly on the cold wooden boards.

_Why couldn't I have seen it earlier? What was it that I could have possibly missed?_

The girl's long dark hair shook as she tried to clear her head of the past memories. She wanted to be herself, was not that enough? Kaoru looked down at her now crumpled sleeves. Her hands always seemed to give her away.

* * *

Thanks to: 

**Feral Panda Chick** - Yeah, I don't think that all the girls get much attention either, although I have made them totally out of character... I'm not sure if it's working though.

**gabyhyatt** - I understand your sentiments, but I chose Kaoru because I don't think she gets all that much attention as her own character. She's usually shown as a sidekick and hardly gets any fighting scenes.

**Everybody else** - Thanks for reading my story, even if you haven't reviewed!

On a side note and a bit of blatant self promotion, check out Adverse Situations, which is another fanfic I've started.

THANKS HEAPS! And review please! Hit the blue button... the one in the corner... Even if it's only a few words or complete critique of my work, it would be much appreciated.


	7. Chapter 6

**A/N:** I hope those of you who read my story are enjoying it... As much as you can enjoy teenage angst anyway. I just thought that it was perhaps relevant to today's society, because alot of things seem to break up due to superficiality and I hope that by reading this you can possibly understand the way that people see situations differently. Thanks!

Apologies for the misspelling! Thanks to **Crewel** for pointing it out! Also, thanks to **Feral Panda Chick** for pointing out the name error! I blame myself for not being as thorough as I should be.

_

* * *

_

_Water, water, every where,_

_Nor any drop to drink_

_-S.T. Coleridge_

_

* * *

_  
**Megumi**

As she turned to watch the water break upon the shore she remembered the malice in Tomoe's voice when she talked to Kaoru. "_She's_ just leaving." Megumi had seen the formation of tears in Kaoru's eyes, as she had quietly picked up her gear and walked away, echoing Misao's movement just moments before. Megumi frowned. How could Kaoru let Tomoe get away with it? The defeat in the Kaoru's eyes as she had turned to walk away pierced Megumi's heart. She patted her hair once more, it was a comforting action, to know that she could always look the part. Tomoe ran hot and cold and Megumi was beginning to see the damage that a few words could do. But there were times when she just couldn't understand what was going on in her head. Megumi looked across the lake at the towering dark shapes. The mountains emphasised the distance in between her and the rest of her life and the barrier she was trying to overcome.

"We're so glad you could make it." Megumi and Tomoe were sitting in their usual booth at the local café. The after school rush was settling down.

"You know… At the beginning of the term…" Tomoe had started.

"Where's Misao?" Kaoru noticed that a seat was empty, Megumi was wondering about it too but decided it best not to voice her opinion.

"Let me finish. She's not coming, she's gone to the_ library_." Tomoe said cutting off Kaoru with a stiff smile.

"As I was saying… At the beginning of the term, we were worried that you, _you know_, wouldn't _gel_." Tomoe began again whilst picking at her manicured nails. Tomoe nudged Megumi and she realized it was time for her rehearsed lines.

"But you surprised us. After that third week, you suddenly became, well, _cool."_ Megumi announced, almost flinching at her own voice.

"We're so _proud_ of you."

The emptiness of the water reflected the feeling that the girl had experienced back then. She hated the feeling of everyone looking up to her only because she looked the part. She had become the surface of the lake without its depth beneath. She felt shallow, but at least she had friends. At least she thought she had friends. Her life was full of a myriad of people but she was unsure as to what she was supposed to classify them as. They all sat with her, more specifically, Tomoe, who they swarmed to like moths to a flame. They talked to Megumi, but it seemed somewhat forced.

"I heard that Kenshin asked Kaoru out. What's with that Megumi? I thought he and I were… _you know_…" Tomoe whispered to her in the girl's bathroom in an angry tone, her voice getting louder with each word.

"I don't know, maybe they're just friends," Megumi responded in a hesitant tone, knowing all to well that they _were_ just friends. Kaoru had expressed her worry to Megumi that Tomoe might take their friendship as an insult. Whatever relation people had with Tomoe, it was always _hers_. Megumi didn't want to appear to be taking sides.

"But they were seen _together,_" Tomoe hissed.

"Look, it's probably nothing…" the reply was carefully sculpted.

"It doesn't look like that…" Tomoe had responded before wiping her hands on her skirt and walking out the bathroom. Megumi sighed. _What had she become_? The make up, the clothes even the friendships that she had made her feel sick. _Why was Tomoe reacting so violently?_ She turned and quickly walked out as she heard the locks on the other doors open. No doubt the others had heard the same conversation and she didn't want to have to face them. As the door swung back she stepped forward into the present.

The swelling of the lake beneath her gave her a sense of reassurance but the memory chipped away at her making her hands clench into fists. Why was Tomoe so upset? Why hadn't she stuck up for Kaoru more? She had _known_ that they were just friends, but how could she fix something if it wasn't any of her business?

Rumors had been started following the event and although they were only rumours, the damage had been done. The fact that people didn't want to know the truth anymore, that they just wanted the information that made them feel better about themselves, made her feel sick. Mindful of the others on the dock, she quickly wiped the tears from her face and smoothed her hair, disrupted by the wind. She had hidden any emotion she thought could be used against her and only let others see what they wanted to see. She had learned quickly that it was best that she keep her mouth shut and to play the part of the social elite.

Megumi looked down at the weathered wooden planks beneath her and sighed. She felt trapped by her own decisions.

Life, as we know it, has to move forward and change with time. Along with time, people change too. The autumn wind once more pushed past her as if to say 'move on' but she still could not. Without knowing what had gone wrong, she could not fix her past, because, ultimately, it was part of her business, whether she denied it or not. The distance suddenly seemed so close to her. The mountains appeared more pronounced and the water seemed to dance in the grey light. The mountains in the distance were proof that people needed to get over their barriers; she had to find the truth. The lake seemed to sigh at Megumi's fixed determination; the strength of the water's depth taking hold of her concentration.

* * *

Reviewer thanks: 

**gabyhyatt** - With Tomoe, you can never be too sure.

**Feral Panda Chick** - I love S. T. Coleridge! I think his work is brilliant! The best poem he did was 'This Lime-Tree Bower My Prison'. Thanks for your review!

**Miharu Kawashi** - Thanks for your review, it's interesting to write through memory, i happen to like it.


	8. Chapter 7

**A/N:** So, I hope that people forgive me for my petit faux pas in the last chapter which was quickly dealt with (many thanks to those who pointed it out). I think that it's hard writing an agnst-y story and I probably won't be writing another one in the near future, I shall stick to something a little more easier to write with (like action scenes! - joke from Adverse Situations). Anyway, I hope that even though I am not really all that clear in some places that you do enjoy/take into account what I'm trying to say through my story. Thanks!

* * *

**Tomoe**

She flinched as a leaf bushed past her as she continued to stare at the water beneath her. All she needed now was a tree to come sailing past and her world would be complete. Her world seemed not to matter much as she sat on the dock and watched as the water crept up the height of the wooden posts that held the planks above the water.

"It's probably nothing" Meguimi had looked away when she had said that. She was lying. She knew much more than she was willing to tell. Tomoe had taken this as an insult. Since when was it not important to tell her everything? She stared across the dock at Meguimi, her eyes narrowed. Meguimi was oblivious to Tomoe's stares which made her annoyed. She frowned and her attention was drawn to the old boat on her left. What did it matter? It was only a boat.

"We need to talk" Tomoe hissed into Kaoru's ear as she walked past, motioning for her to follow. Outside, the garden was empty, the cold air of winter held their lingering breaths as Kaoru hurried out behind Tomoe and waited.

"What is it you want, Tomoe?" Kaoru initiated the conversation, obviously uncomfortable with the eerie silence between them.

_So be it_. Tomoe thought to herself as she also waited in the cold. As the temperature began to become unbearable her anger kicked in.

"I think you should go." It was quietly said yet full of conviction.

"Go where, Tomoe?" Kaoru didn't understand what was going on, the confusion evident in her voice.

"Away from here, not near us." It was louder this time, Tomoe letting the rising anger penetrate her statement.

"I don't know what you're talking about; you're not making much sense." Confusion echoed in Kaoru's eyes. The darkening sky was doing nothing for the mood of the conversation.

"The group, ok? You don't fit anymore, so stay away. You're always opposing everyone and half the stuff you say really isn't all that interesting." Tomoe felt as though she had spent years keeping this in, it felt good to be honest with Kaoru.

"Tomoe…" Kaoru was stunned, her hands started shaking.

"I don't understand where this is coming from…" she finished saying and frowned.

"You just don't meld the right way. You're different… too different. Just stay away," Tomoe hissed and turned around and moved to walk away.

"You've really stooped low, haven't you, Tomoe?" Kaoru called out from behind her, her voice colder than the snow that was falling.

"You brought this upon yourself. I have to be somewhere else. So do you," Tomoe replied pointedly without turning around and went back inside leaving Kaoru standing in the garden as the snow began to fall.

She had been honest but she had been stung with Kaoru's last remark. Had she really "stooped"? The lake rolled beneath her as she sat on the dock. No, nothing would change her mind, she did the right thing. There was no point in Kaoru trying to fit in, she was too different, and it would just lead to heartbreak. Although Kaoru had changed, Tomoe questioned whether she had any heart left. The right thing to do, however, was not necessarily the best thing. Tomoe looked over to where Kaoru was leaning against the post and looked at her wrinkled sleeves. Tomoe could never understand why they always seemed wrinkled. Maybe she just couldn't iron. The water moved noisily against the wooden posts as Tomoe looked across at the mountains in the distance.

* * *

Reviewer thanks: 

** Feral Panda Chick** - Thanks for letting me know about the mix up, I didn't realise. Hope that you liked the chapter.

**Crewel** - Thank you for letting me know, I seem to manage to misspell names at the most inappropriate times. Hope that you continue to enjoy the story.

**Miharu Kawashi** - Hey, it's all good. Take as much time as you need. I know how hectic it can be with job searching and school. Make sure you don't wear yourself out though!

**Malencia** - Thanks for the review, don't cry! You never know what may happen!


	9. Chapter 8

A/N: I thought that I would update this fanfic and try and finish as quickly as possible as I don't feel it's as good as my other fanfic. This one is not as accessable as AS.

_

* * *

Alone, alone, all, all alone,_

_Alone on a wide wide sea_

_-S.T. Coleridge_

_

* * *

_  
**Misao**

She stared at the sky as she tried to rid herself of anger.

'_Don't worry, I'll be fine.' _Kaoru's eyes had read as she made a brief excuse and walked outside to follow Tomoe. She had always been like that, not wanting others to worry about her but she had not followed Tomoe back inside. When Misao had gone to look for her, all she saw were two sets of footprints. One leading back towards where she stood, the other leading away. The flow and ebb of the tide, was not showing the consistency it once had, but now showing is destructive forces.

Misao shivered at the memory, the cold wind tearing at her heart. She had left the party without so much as a backwards glance, her footsteps in the snow alone on her pathway home, the opposite direction of the path of Kaoru's footsteps. The hurt, pain, frustration and anger swelled once more in the girl's heart.

_Tomoe had no right. No right what-so-ever to treat someone like that_!

The lake echoed her sentiment as is crashed upon the shore of the lake. Anger would not solve anything however. It was just an emotion that she had to deal with. She stood up on the dock, a lone figure looking over the grey unruly mass that was the lake. Only, she wasn't really alone. Meguimi, Tomoe and Kaoru were spread along the dock, their minds keeping them separate from reality. She couldn't discern what the lake was supposed to be saying to her. It had been long since she had visited this spot, not since she was last here with Kaoru. Not since that last day, the day the music died on the lake.

The wind blew past her in the cold sunshine as the she stood alone on the pavement. For the first time in months she was truly and utterly alone. She was bustled, pushed and shoved out of the way as students made the mad dash out of their last class for the day. She remembered the cutting remarks being said to Kaoru, the smug look on Tomoe's face, the sad eyes of Meguimi. They hadn't noticed she was standing just metres away from them, the focus being on the unease that the three girls held. Kaoru had stood tall, alone, yet with some determination. It was almost like she didn't care at all anymore, yet her eyes were as sad as Meguimi's as she turned and left, her hands formed into fists by her sides. Misao's previous thoughts of attempting to fix the situation were washed away as loneliness swept into her heart.

Misao had sunk to her knees, tears of frustration running down her face as she sat alone, surrounded by three others.

_Why couldn't I have done something?_

The anger, the hurt and the feeling of complete and utter loss piling up inside her finally burst from inside.

"What is it that Kaoru did to deserve this?" Her mind yelled across the water.

"What had she done?" Misao's mind raged in silence as she put forward her arms to give her the support that no one else could give.

"Why…?" She whispered softly. She looked up, realising she had said her thoughts aloud yet none of the other seemed to have heard her quiet question.

She walked alone in the corridors, everything had seemed so happy and colourful but now everything was a dull grey. She had thought with the New Year, things would have been forgotten. It seemed not. With her head bowed she heard the criticism of others and the whispering behind her back.

"You know what _Kaoru_ did…"

"I heard that Tomoe…"

No matter how fast Misao looked up from her interest in the ground before her, she couldn't catch those who were speaking. Hurt and anger bubbled up but she suppressed it and walked onwards, her focus on putting one foot in front of the other. Just because people were speaking badly of others didn't mean that she had to do the same. She would keep her honour and do the right thing. Keep it locked up tight so that no one would suspect.

The mountains blurred as she thought back to that day. Kaoru had not appeared, Tomoe smirking at what she had accomplished and Meguimi, doing what Meguimi knew best. Keeping her opinions to herself but her eyes betrayed her. They always had. There was something so wrong about what was happening but they were powerless to do anything. "Don't make things worse than they are, let them be," eyes had expressed whilst looking at Misao. She knew that inevitably things would change. The whole aim to life was to change.

Water was always moving, the rain falls, it finds the lake and evaporates. Thus a constant cycle is formed. Things would sort themselves out; Misao just had to give it time.

The water swayed with the current. Patience.

* * *

A/N: I will finish this fanfic. I always finish what I start... Or at least try to anyway. Otherwise nothing would get done. 


	10. Chapter 9

A/N: This is almost done. Thank you to those who have read it.

* * *

_A delight comes sudden upon my heart_

_-S.T. Coleridge_

* * *

**Kaoru**

"Tears are a sign of weakness; you'll do well to remember that. Never let anyone see you cry."

_I'll never let them see me cry, I won't give them that satisfaction of seeing them break me. _Kaoru sunk into the dock, as if wanting it to absorb her tears. All she could hear was the lapping sound of the lake upon the shores. It never ceased to amaze her that the water kept its cycle regardless of whatever had happened. The thought of the perpetual movement of the tide and the gentle lapping of the water calmed her somewhat.

The steps had almost completely disappeared save for the last two. The girl quietly lay on the dock and turned over to face the sky. She had seemingly forgotten the other three girls who shared the dock with her. The grey mass loomed above her and the wind skipped past her once more, two leaves danced above her to her left and she followed their movement that lead them closer and closer to the lake's surface until it consumed them whole. Much like the lake, the girl swallowed all her emotions and, like the fallen leaves, never surfaced.

"Why did you think you had to change?" Misao suddenly asked Kaoru, catching her off guard as she walked past her in the library.

"I… I thought that if I became more like them, they would accept me," Kaoru mumbled. Her eyes fixed upon her fingers tugging at her skirt. She struggled to find the words; no one had asked her _'why?_' before.

"I used to think that; to become more like them, they would like me… But then, it wouldn't really be me, would it?" said Misao, throwing the last bit over her shoulder.

Kaoru crossed her legs as she sat up on the dock and frowned. Misao had walked away from her leaving Kaoru to stand in silence and fiddle with the cuffs of her shirt. She looked up at the darkening sky, the dull grey was gaining darker hues as the sun set somewhere to the east of herl. She watched the lake heave and sigh with the tide. Mountains that had formed on the other side of the lake were watching her in silence.

Kaoru looked around at the people who occupied the dock, each lost in their own thoughts. She studied them unnoticed. Meguimi was absent-mindedly playing with her hair, a habit she had developed over the years. Her appearance was something that she could control, the playful girl she once knew hidden by a carefully constructed mask. Tomoe was scowling at the world, her distaste evident as she drummed her fingers on the dock. Misao was staring at her hands but with a small movement Kaoru saw a glitter and her brow creased as she wondered what Misao could be thinking about to cause her sorrow. To say that she hated them would be to make a judgment. However she knew that there would never be a resolution, so a judgment wasn't necessary

Kaoru turned her head away and exhaled slowly. Each of her friends had changed by the influence of life had impacted upon them. It was the choices that had defined who they were.

The lake didn't change to suit the mountains, just as the mountains didn't change to suit the lake. They only bowed down to nature and its forces.

She remembered the day by the lake when Meguimi had said "_friends forever."_ Nothing could ever stay the same.

It wasn't just about her anymore. The very aspect of life was to change and move forward, evident in the way that the tide moved. It wasn't about conformity or acceptance and it wasn't about hate or pain. It was about the decisions they made for themselves and to recognise the fact that everything has consequences. The ignorant never forgot or forgave, the naïve forgave and forgot, but the wise forgave and remembered.

* * *

A/N:I apologise for the time inbetween updates. It won't be much longer until this is all finished. One more chapter to go and then it will be all finished! Thank you to all who have reviewed and read my fanfic!

Please feel free to review!


	11. Epilogue

** A/N:** Well, this is it, the end!

* * *

**The Dock**

The four girls sat in silence, yet this time the silence was broken by a peal of thunder and the light sprinkling of rain. Misao smiled and turned her face up into the raindrops. The girls didn't have to be the best of friends, they were people. Their changing personalities portrayed the very essence of life and of nature.

_Nature ne'er deserts the wise and pure;_

The sky lit with a sudden burst of light. Kaoru stared in awe at the sudden onslaught of nature. People change due to their surroundings and others adapt. The past was not something to escape from; it was an essential part of who you were.

_No plot so narrow, be but nature there;_

The mountains retreated into grey. Meguimi looked across the lake, the distance not bothering her. The mountains in the distance showed a barrier, but not one that needed to be overcome, just acknowledged.

_No vast so vacant, but may well employ_

A darkened colour seeped into the wooden planks. Tomoe suppressed a groan. There was always going to be something out of their control. The girls could deal with that, like the water they left behind in their wake. The past and the present were relevant to the future, whether it was recognised or not.

_Each faculty of sense, and keep the heart_

The lake rippled with the droplets of rain marring its perfect surface. The dock showed its wisdom through its constant accompaniment to the lake, which provided a form of peace and calm but showed the very essence of life. The surface could be perfect and undisturbed, but what went on beneath could not be simply expressed.

_Awake to Love and Beauty!_

Life would move forward on its inevitable path forward, like the pull and ebb of the water. It would continue the flow, willing to give and take according to the circumstances.

The three girls turned their heads at the sound of laughter. Kaoru had stood up; her arms wide open, welcoming the rain.

* * *

A/N: I hope everyone enjoyed my ff, even though it was very angst-y. 

Thank you to all those who reviewed, and even though it's finished, I would still love to hear people's thoughts on my work.

So, review with what you think!


End file.
